英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
0 R$ g2 X$ Y3 ]% ?bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
辆然后求上帝宽恕。

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
5 s( r0 G) l1 R+ @$ k6 t9 [! k2 m我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
$ X$ }  U3 V3 C样死法啊！
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3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
8 k7 Z  ^; d2 {7 Swith experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你


4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
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; C/ u& {. ^. n意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
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b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
% y( `1 \1 [* V% I
5 a& q. [4 r5 w; [& va. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
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b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
2 h. \( w" w, p# M) a- E7 F在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
. W0 s& L; A. z8 C' R* }- U: Fbetter have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
1 G1 A  `' C5 C% L! O0 M
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
$ f5 r1 \3 U, U3 f/ U$ s2 Tn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
6 o$ A3 Y/ }8 ^! c& R. o% x5 q1 f还是很有喜感。
5 s9 R: |& M5 r' _! l+ W) I
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
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11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。

12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
: v$ U5 K' C/ V- M3 Y, j) ~a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。

: G: v& {! y; |9 m13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
/ i+ u! ~. q# |* K9 ^+ I我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。

, `6 Q* V* Q# o" O14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
  E) x8 l1 s! O# A  Zn, make him a sandwich.
) G: }3 Y0 a$ }, B" B. T4 z* q- w男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
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: D& k/ l* ]; p( I) M15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
$ s( p# y; x3 m5 L8 S光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...


# S$ e- z& }& i" g6 y3 A# y16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。

7 }! r' V0 z& L+ I% \) l17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
s.
: V: W9 `1 \+ m/ @7 q你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
% r) j8 Z- q2 kXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
3 Y+ j+ m3 a1 e, rtell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
2 _' h3 ^1 ?' H, Zbox to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
# G7 @( P5 S: ~( a意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
/ i2 V0 [  u/ Z* f6 R4 U5 Ss it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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, U6 l: ~! A/ ~( f6 X# ^: P23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
9 ]4 x8 U1 y; vuit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
" w* n/ i! }: p# p篮子。
" G# ~' D; f5 m* A+ e  H3 u; X, u意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
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7 m& ^- ?* C4 h24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

8 ~0 _" Y9 A( C# M  X7 c. |25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
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' A6 p/ e: C' d26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
6 [7 X& \4 n4 G! ~, }1 A" |- ]/ \- `. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
m fish?
& P: @- h6 k' O+ Y3 ]- _8 F* P: l" B海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。

30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
5 b9 Z: u8 m7 p6 j; L8 cg.
( B; J$ |% d9 F2 _- E3 ~5 V4 B: Aa. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
) \" e4 ^. a, N9 j- H4 Vb. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！

31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
0 a2 o: u4 S7 {5 z% b& R3 }- y2 fts?"
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
& z0 ^0 Z3 |! i' K) D. G" G1 H8 N: Pand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
$ C& F- R- U( X! @7 o: Aup.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
* Z5 H- O9 C1 i  S" ht check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
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- I4 T" H, N* J0 |3 y* ^34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
! T: e/ M0 T: c9 b' f0 d) ll doubt.
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
2 y2 o& ~3 N8 z+ A8 z) ?$ W  B& rb. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
; J1 F" K9 `. B' Cc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。
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2 `8 }) O( F+ Z" R  \) R35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
t need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方

% ], E0 }3 i; p36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。

4 f$ J7 {" s& Q- J. q, V0 c7 v8 Nb. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
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/ r$ D8 H1 s5 F# Q38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- c1 k5 H" F2 \8 Pa. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
/ C! Q/ Q! o! g& ]3 A1 Vc. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
8 Q, n$ Y& M% H' ?5 G$ Na. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
# q6 U, Y8 Y) x2 e% u  x4 `b. 想立牌坊就得会装

2 m3 x( k: V  e0 D- _% J40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
7 y% {. y" y* O9 H8 G, A+ w4 w% j% s临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
; n+ F% e2 X6 a% Ga bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
。
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# b/ _5 |( M1 K1 l# A7 p42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
( Q) \, P  ^( F. j' e小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
) @+ J; L$ n0 s3 Z0 xrls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！

44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
1 J3 v' H: D4 B1 f. [' Y# H意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
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0 U( p" O: f" Q& x  c45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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( q# I, y6 t6 G; F1 M46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。

47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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) X0 x) R# Y& ^. p48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！
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8 M. s0 W9 Q( H! l& }( g! ]49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
4 ^* i0 d  m# `( d当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
么忙？！

50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
  A) o; [3 V. J' ~上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
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winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
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4 {. t; z. ~, u, H第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多
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0 V+ M% l: [7 w8 Q  i# _# I0 a第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
( y' |" D2 r3 `我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

: o8 v- W! {! N# \) Y5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
' y# n& B$ T+ K2 x- _- I相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  o8 V5 F8 h$ L3 Z% |a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
; |5 D. S. T! w8 ?2 S4 I先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
; V6 e' `- G: K. g5 J6 zbetter have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
" I0 s2 c2 ?) m( cn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。
1 _* L4 n9 s7 V2 l/ }6 m" R  M: K" v某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
6 ^' j8 n3 C0 cged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
+ r) _( ^. k5 S: `$ z" r" A了！！
政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
1 Q0 z3 y# }) Z) L9 C男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
) j3 {* V0 Q9 p% x3 `" Z6 b4 j男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。

16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
4 S& c0 `; }/ I$ }我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
  x/ E3 m' [) F# l0 u+ w每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。

17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
% v% ~3 b* T7 x: R) G* j4 t曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
# h' k, m, L1 g7 ]曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。
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3 J$ z4 W+ J, e! d) p+ k39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
8 z: t3 H9 Z& x9 `a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊
; Z; ^3 F$ \& a1 `

* R6 v9 E# B; k5 q% i" L, N! U, G' w另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子

第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
8 b! ^' U6 I( ^; C# B. L6 @9 t1 M不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了
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我觉得N版改得经典