英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
. U5 S! P& j0 z辆然后求上帝宽恕。
8 z5 a9 g/ q  Z  R$ P1 n1 b
& Z0 _6 F& ]5 m% y/ w7 W+ ~2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
; o7 Z) Z' |. y/ m9 q  I6 }nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！

0 s1 m- A* D& p8 E. @# M) d" t8 C, `3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你


- B" y( s5 m( E! n: \& }+ o; C, |4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9 G/ p* w! ?/ |. I2 W0 @6 i/ s直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

# [  Q+ R4 j0 m意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
) |! Q* T; _! d( Fa. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
5 e  T# D( m) `( e- X9 \0 @
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

6 F* F" n6 Y7 Ma. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
) t0 L" x* `( m1 i( n
: ^  {' f( ^% d2 {  Y- Yb. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

5 b+ n" w* G% N5 G# K0 n7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8 b+ v' B3 A& K- H% R在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
+ Y: x8 x4 v3 G/ G4 ]; [2 g) S0 B
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
8 V- y/ Q% r* `( j# Mbetter have a good hand.
3 t6 L6 }: g& iXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
( G% p! t2 W; s& Z. s" c& e0 l
$ e( P) l4 b5 H9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
5 t( f. @0 Q, f& E' a; {' Q还是很有喜感。
, r. k9 W. I, P5 l/ }- ~
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
9 |6 ^, @: Z$ L9 r- Zged regularly, and for the same reason.
" f, J' J/ c5 V0 M; [政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
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4 L- T. {, R/ _11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
; i% P3 Y5 D5 O4 P战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。

12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
  v5 U  c" T3 `/ l& Ya. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。

13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
1 g4 @+ o- F' j8 a3 a) o
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
! r' i3 O- x2 d9 ^2 w5 wn, make him a sandwich.
1 _$ x: S% A8 a  w' l男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！

15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
7 \; ~; u0 X" F+ A) v0 dil you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
! M& v. f" T! ~! Z$ [/ R# J
6 m; I+ V0 @8 Q  K# s
  t/ p$ j, r8 p16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
2 {7 d, g- p6 I3 c% T
! n" v8 i8 w0 ^17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。

/ d7 B9 [$ x! H8 K, ]18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
! f9 S4 a5 u/ g* Hs.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
+ w# y1 H+ U! `+ {
: u' j  _) e4 j. {- b19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
/ V4 {; D6 p  F% _XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...

20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
) z+ y* \' F1 o) p# ]6 `7 htell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科

4 [- {/ Z) X- E; p% h22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
s it?
3 z$ O/ @, Q, O3 g4 U, M' R/ [如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？

23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
uit salad.
8 O5 k2 B8 a  O3 _直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
7 e- ]; R( d& D$ B意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
篮子。
# {- d1 @3 _% v; \意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
  S& W: S) u1 t% J
7 [0 M4 e% {# I9 e24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
9 C% }+ I; r1 u- L3 m* [上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

" r  F' O7 V2 I6 y! L, B7 w- j25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
6 r$ j. j. m' Q$ d4 Bsame night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。

26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
8 M/ h. [; M2 H  B* Y" {2 {老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。

27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
4 x  R3 G! l" j1 |3 J! O2 x, [. On my desk, I have a work station..
" h( I# r4 g) S. b- M公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
9 Y4 Z: I5 `; q! Y! P
  b! r" y5 Z; l) h28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
2 f6 ~% N4 s* q( m( L0 z, d要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
$ X8 ~7 \; t) G' R1 ym fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。

30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
g.
a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
1 T: }! M; K( H+ R# ^# Y2 jb. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
& _" e! B5 S. T
; N8 X' d% t* d9 A31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
% [: K+ V4 b; Sts?"
, V, G& ?9 I6 e. T瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”

2 Q4 w1 p6 U2 p2 d  W* S( {4 w, z32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
# i* O) H! `1 W' J9 M; t& f: Sand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
up.
  V6 _+ I2 v. b; @8 s3 B孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
t check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？

34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
  \  W; X( d& P3 n* v: N! kl doubt.
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
1 \1 X& k8 A" t/ S3 C+ _5 ~2 Lb. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
. ]2 h! I% q2 Z1 W- d/ ^$ Rc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
! z9 L5 \7 B3 [/ `d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。
  c- M3 f% v/ i2 e* v
% M, w- p  b( Q6 R5 Z35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
) \! M2 P" v8 O+ n) O+ j5 ^  Rt need it.
* z$ U6 \6 C2 g5 d- d银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
* K1 O; H* R: s
36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
* L/ Z; `, [7 m! e! k$ ya.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
6 N( M, Q2 y, n8 z
b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

9 d, X: d! Q' r& @* i37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
; y  f0 L% a* g+ p意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫

$ b, J0 z9 }9 x$ I38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
, }. j  A, c# i$ ?- V6 f1 v4 Y: Y/ Ha. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
" C: r; g# |3 Q6 B$ Oc. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。

9 {2 S/ j2 e+ @39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
" v- H$ @, }, Y0 e1 ]( ^0 L/ J* Fa. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
) g' K. S7 q7 x3 gb. 想立牌坊就得会装
8 E" h' \$ _. A# n
40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
5 U" b* Z1 o, Q- C6 M临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~

9 D: i8 U7 x7 b5 F/ f5 D41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
2 c1 o% i% U- S9 Na bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
/ U- ?5 T" a& |0 Q如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
。

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
: u6 P" @# E- `; z5 R( v3 t
43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
( A5 m' I/ r3 h# Crls live.
/ Y9 u6 z- n  ^' R) q圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！
* L4 R% a$ e  D7 ?/ n! H6 O: [$ Y
6 Z" O" f8 A9 \* X) ^$ h( q44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。

% Y  c' I/ A9 h- k/ [; j45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
4 {7 V5 v0 B& _8 V% ]1 a* D
46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
: H+ x$ v; o& ]: Fgreat white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
# e! y* R3 i0 q+ k; m$ O我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。

47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
) y+ \  u2 |3 q# V. |
0 o; t  B7 o% O& y/ L, u48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
+ U$ L3 H1 h- G4 w4 {4 r+ a我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
么忙？！
0 x4 ~( w6 I2 W  ^' Z
50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！

winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
: S! E" [5 J; c9 E) O
7 x/ e0 T% a4 x% G) H& L第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多
2 i/ h! ~) P% `+ H& J' _& Q& s# u
第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改
7 m/ D" D7 G8 P/ e7 }
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
2 {) b. [  z7 H" @2 a2 y& E; ]  O: U) _我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)
7 O: z4 b  W/ l; `
  N" f1 H$ m0 N; @6 p1 |5 g+ j5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
8 R4 }" i- J/ ~- v" x
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
' q$ {6 R7 q, q先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

2 k, [% g6 q3 A, l7 `) [( f! I& W8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。

" B' k: J, N# t+ K/ r9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
* b/ f# ?) n5 _+ V3 ~5 y' mn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
8 @# x8 x# P" y3 e/ M还是很有喜感。
, g9 }7 c0 l# ^) l/ ?- c某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。

" g/ d5 S5 r! n; @7 J' {' {' c10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
5 B; H4 U7 C/ Z/ k' V" [ged regularly, and for the same reason.
3 \9 [+ }6 x0 w0 ^. W3 h: H政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
, v6 k$ w) Y" {. {3 s了！！
政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
- q6 {: g0 ^+ u% Q0 _9 t& i男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
7 I5 N6 G4 J+ ^( j男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。
6 q) L' R4 j* j) K
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
5 N+ \6 b5 L0 w( [$ ]我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。

) R9 i* J! a7 [9 L- l7 _17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  l* L! E" t+ D- v9 d% a9 `曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
# [6 o' z* L# m* ?: G% _7 r, K
) @4 l+ w2 c7 c8 j; A19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
9 c$ u, F$ u% |* B0 ]. f' ~$ L. XXXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
! R; C" W% u1 d* s4 Ba. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊


9 w9 A9 W7 S( j# R8 @- j另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子

8 M( V0 R. u3 b& h" T; K! ?第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

我觉得N版改得经典