1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.; ~3 n) D1 @! ~5 s4 P, u
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。/ W! ^0 i9 v G
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.( Y8 d z2 N: o# n' _, r* |& D
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!
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+ X7 I% o" O# p 3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.; i' a; Z8 r6 E6 B. }. g. `: C6 e- B
你永远不能战胜一个纯牛逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你( P! I/ C# s6 K2 C, R a6 S
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
) w7 t& e, b( q. C 直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。* n/ B* _3 I4 E" o
意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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/ H. Z) |& }1 E4 A5 H4 H 5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…: _" h& x+ d6 s0 H% e
如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你cao错洞…
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese./ j5 A! e8 P: Y, s- ^7 J
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
7 K7 c" K% A2 @4 {. V b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
' f: \& m# J: {' _( L& x 在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.6 J$ t+ Z ] U9 M7 M* D8 L, I5 m
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! R, D) K0 Q" Z0 N) M' j2 @! { 8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand./ b/ h: U4 m+ p7 w0 I1 E/ d) b7 U
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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7 N& u: c. ~4 N6 N5 @5 R+ i" R 9、Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help **iling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
\9 S) V/ ?3 Q' T) J* u0 z. a8 f 有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。: G, W3 q+ `* Z: q
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$ J& B9 l4 W% O 10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason., e/ `2 v+ o7 g1 Q' A' o
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!
5 i- f+ _4 C& z; w$ { z1 U 11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.* S8 g9 g1 S) W! B. E
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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a! @* c; @9 l$ M5 E7 Q$ }- [ 12、Women might be able to fake orga**s. But men can fake a whole relati**hip.
2 v2 k/ |/ d( `) t$ t6 x a. 女人的gaochao可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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( M- \2 C$ C3 r! C U. z 13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
! W: o: j6 g3 J5 B% ?( y 我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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14、Men have two emoti**: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
. F4 u2 K. {& i4 } 男人就两种状态:饿 和 xing饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治! @ ~1 y& I. ~ B
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/ S' X& a1 Z: V7 o4 ^3 m 15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.; g# B2 b) z) m: ?4 h5 L. g% }0 M
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些NB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…
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S5 ^* l- |3 G$ R2 {) ` 16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
# W# `: l4 p2 ^# d7 O 我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.( I1 _$ ?1 @& W8 {
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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. g2 H+ ^7 [- s0 }. H3 M 18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
" \6 Z, m! M- \. Q9 P1 Y% Y 你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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, j6 j- K/ Z8 _6 E' c 19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.# g" g, m! l6 J- b" n3 D& ?
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…8 y2 }6 m* N2 q" u U" P
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20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
# E* Y% ]' M/ n) x, E. U8 j- } 晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。7 A& o7 t! m- Z9 |8 x( S
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
0 k) D; T+ M! g K! b9 E7 ^ 直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
8 M+ A/ l. ?. e1 K, G 意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科! . \, {% |3 @& P
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