1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.* i3 H5 |$ ~4 b2 }. }
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
2 _ s. K# L7 n5 z8 m 我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!& f A" U% |. v+ @5 \; [" s2 r- r( \0 V
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3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- v c1 U) b. Z8 ^ 你永远不能战胜一个纯牛逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你2 U5 e" X3 c, A7 l
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.5 Z1 M* G! F/ O5 g3 t+ c
直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
# ^8 [/ Z" t4 D$ d8 q1 ]5 s 意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…' j! d3 s6 p, q, i4 b7 p9 h Z
如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你cao错洞…
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Z: k9 A% J, { a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!7 }" x' G+ a# |: p( L7 O7 g: }% J1 `
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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9 t9 x' R8 U! Y; A' u; c 7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
9 x9 e) ^3 j% { 在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.9 g6 L! t9 P6 G/ p1 U, ]5 N
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
$ }- G0 Y5 P% X% l XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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9、Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help **iling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
7 _+ A$ }8 E- r: X0 b 有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。# ^6 }* L" E7 b5 `' O5 R' V7 F! c+ ?
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7 \4 F8 G; _0 I 10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason., |3 w9 D ^2 m
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!
' ?1 P! q1 |6 M! i" f; \( r" I8 S 11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
# [6 B! U2 |- I$ m' R' X0 ` 战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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12、Women might be able to fake orga**s. But men can fake a whole relati**hip.
: R; o; _: g0 v" e" J7 K. U a. 女人的gaochao可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!- n& l2 b" T7 O9 J, W( W
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3 a; d' m l* O 13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.+ j0 S& z1 e/ }" x" P9 Y% d
我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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14、Men have two emoti**: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
) ^/ z* Z, k* y7 N6 k0 ~1 \ h; g 男人就两种状态:饿 和 xing饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!. e- W# r D; j; u
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.1 Q( G1 z0 Q8 k9 S5 B
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些NB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…: T) B/ U8 L& J+ h
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
! P$ r8 g3 o# P# S) x 我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.' n, p8 t. J( ~4 d' F: |8 Q0 {
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。8 G, c- t( H% x& u. W9 Y
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18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.* Y% {- `) e- w# L
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
: Z. m/ `0 M# z! \: w& m: c XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…( U. v( j; d+ F+ J
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^2 q9 U, _& }0 F5 n# I ^ 20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.1 Z2 b' E6 [4 V1 F
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
6 ?% j4 T1 ?8 }! j) m 直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
& B- v' g- r: } 意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科!
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