1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.2 H, A) X4 b7 |' |2 r4 N7 p' ] t
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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" I/ p2 z5 v0 D T/ w2 a) z 2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.8 H# j) V% I, g+ ]" e3 o
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!; |/ k7 S! ?' i# \/ p/ O9 ?
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9 T4 N% o v. m4 \1 O, i5 R 3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
& D2 Q3 f) \ I, a1 z g! v! R/ z 你永远不能战胜一个纯牛逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你9 r" b4 ^6 l, n3 l, a; T
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
0 L* v, e$ R" O, j 直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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: @0 f; f8 B2 L" `3 J: n 意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
0 E( T9 a( ]% x8 v 意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。; I) x1 p! u! `) |4 c/ q
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5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
, V8 ?* T- k: F, P 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你cao错洞…
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
# r w& w& d' ]2 ^ a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
( f3 F, _7 ^5 T5 L3 @1 I b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。3 S( o; }0 G- C' T3 q5 ~
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.% Z4 s4 _9 p2 |( O) V
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.3 a) c- H! ^3 g4 i- K- v! \# {' u
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3 d2 `& W6 D4 o- e 8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
) m1 ?0 |% @6 U XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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3 K/ r" H# a$ \7 b9 A 9、Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help **iling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3 S5 R8 ?* i. U 有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。/ E) z4 p! Y& \4 n. V8 K! w' y
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10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.1 Q; y7 D4 K- m
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!4 Q% V s- l% q6 l- p8 d& W
11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.+ Y! I: c7 r0 {* ?8 k& q: e, o
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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12、Women might be able to fake orga**s. But men can fake a whole relati**hip.! w) @& _4 V( D5 @9 U% [
a. 女人的gaochao可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!) W; E' q7 ^3 D. m- e$ {
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
0 ~* t. n# G% j J, |' M 我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。6 I, v/ I# u& l5 [ h
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. e _3 }- w. v" ` 14、Men have two emoti**: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. ]: K- M2 f3 D1 | Q) Z
男人就两种状态:饿 和 xing饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!' c K# J( V. J- W/ A7 J
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.5 c; r$ F0 w7 X7 s
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些NB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…2 j- z% }& ?( z2 K7 K) g% u+ R
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; p9 S( |' ^8 \" I7 z2 |1 ^) e! _ 16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
- i0 }3 C) g1 | 我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。/ I% ~9 ~3 p. x2 \" G
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.6 T ?$ J' y& k2 i% `+ D
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。: y( ]5 v' m& {) L! T
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E% Y3 D* }+ [, r' U1 m 18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
7 F9 |9 \9 ~ \. |' m6 i 你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~- c8 L( `8 S v( [# q3 ~: o# H" i4 i" ~
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7 R# O8 B9 H* x0 M$ u8 X& X 19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.. B9 x( t. `* a1 v, k( Y' V
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…4 S% M/ `; r! @. S5 B
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20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.' d* U2 n9 Q& R6 j6 l0 L: p
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。9 W6 N4 Q. F6 Q5 `, w
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* T& I* [, K5 ]8 F5 o g 直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!# ~) D1 q+ _8 Y- a
意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科!
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