1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.4 Q& T' Y6 d/ o
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。& |0 U- H7 H/ ]) u" A6 n; a
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.3 z; L) F+ K9 \1 ^ P0 d
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!
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/ L& L# G$ s5 F$ n' L1 ^$ G' [ 3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.# y# G3 ^9 L- g3 T3 H- m% Z6 n
你永远不能战胜一个纯牛逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你1 S- b; p8 ^( h. h, l6 C
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% x, Q6 K+ c. R- O1 A 4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
0 u% l8 g6 I4 X( J- ?1 w 直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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# u5 u4 E2 Z% p. v N q 意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。 v$ S" O" Y& C7 d, {: Z
意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。3 q( w+ W0 n' v3 N) `' n( ?5 |/ h
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1 W9 ~, V5 ]: t$ A- j: L. M& I. B" r 5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
) M2 }7 r2 A0 D' K" a b$ f1 B$ c" p1 s' ` 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你cao错洞…
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! n! ?4 E4 f& `: N 6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.! E4 c2 C$ Q4 l; @; |% Y
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
$ @- `! P! G; ~* _ b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。# ^& c0 V. G- o& T. a* v' V4 t
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8 ~( {) z2 k* m$ ?, c; U( u+ B! U6 [ 7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
F- n4 e& I2 r; m7 S 在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.
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3 K6 G/ f% d$ k 8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
4 x4 E+ n) u+ E' C) t/ x# ^, \/ N/ b4 z XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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7 n4 Q! R9 O2 w2 U$ D2 ? 9、Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help **iling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
6 y% p$ J) T/ N2 l; s7 d3 g 有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。
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10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
- y( x3 Z5 s9 N. n 政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!
% Y6 I+ x8 J' }1 t) [: {6 ` 11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.8 e W( H/ m' V/ g
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。1 n6 Q T5 ?$ K: n, t7 B% ]+ U
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) H7 @7 E: M" z$ a8 g 12、Women might be able to fake orga**s. But men can fake a whole relati**hip.0 K6 I1 _6 T& _# }" O: y% h% m$ `
a. 女人的gaochao可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!/ R7 E! l6 n G
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- ^, E$ E0 c" j0 A+ f, E 我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。2 P- Z- V- Q9 Y& X+ O' M6 S# U
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* l) W$ A/ e$ T1 I. N, `; A 14、Men have two emoti**: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.: R5 i% T$ ?7 e9 l: \% E9 X: j
男人就两种状态:饿 和 xing饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
! x+ } p4 W! f8 j 光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些NB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…
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: w3 Y4 ` ^9 W7 @ 16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.$ r B( D$ j* ?/ G- I6 s' |9 W3 ]& w! `
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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% q ^ C6 F m8 d% h 17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.2 @) @/ h, ]# I& d2 _4 I Q4 v
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.9 ^7 B! g! c I/ A0 f3 @
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~! M: y5 K4 G# P5 \1 P
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/ \; X: W s) ~* O& ~9 M3 }9 { 19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
+ k, |4 l) {+ q$ A7 p& V XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…
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20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.) r$ R! Z0 @7 I6 _; W8 ^
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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6 l( J7 [( |( ^# ^ }6 d- W3 s( u 21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?# o5 J& I5 @5 o+ `; N* r
直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!$ ~+ p/ J. Q! k1 p2 i4 q, d
意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科!
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