1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.) p1 B7 c& k5 D4 P% L1 i9 L# I8 ?
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。3 R7 k; I5 n: N6 w5 x2 R1 J
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# ~' h. \, O" a' `# ? 2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
]. N _% @. D 我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!
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+ g6 s' z! w+ _' B0 T8 u% { 3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* _* s6 `( i+ ?9 B+ F 你永远不能战胜一个纯牛逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你) W1 {" \! Y) u* | [7 Q& g2 t* ~4 `
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
% e1 \; `. C# }+ L' T* u 直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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% b2 G- k! t1 y6 |# b r$ k 意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。 n. z" H/ f8 I R! b; i2 a, Y0 M
意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。8 `8 j) U* o8 [" f& \) h( k7 w K
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: `& w2 V/ ? T$ r6 l1 L 5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
& ?0 A- i! ~$ H8 { 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你cao错洞…, f9 x% k9 Y8 X' a
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
% ?" X0 Q* E: B a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
: m7 W3 V& W, y5 Q$ [, K5 | b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.. N" y( O% L. j( D# e4 t
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
3 _& Y" E& \0 h, T XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。" j& k# R4 R9 _: o
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9、Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help **iling when you see one tumble down the stairs.! N, _+ J/ V! y$ q u0 M3 `
有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。
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/ R5 m% H4 G" O B8 J4 w8 h, H 10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.1 h4 U9 r5 e0 q- }' L* w
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!
' v7 q. w1 C6 H: y9 t! V 11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.+ u" ~; w. N7 H, z8 v
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。/ |) p3 Z0 B I& t% n1 O+ t$ X
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12、Women might be able to fake orga**s. But men can fake a whole relati**hip.
$ q, l- t. l" x9 U/ B6 |7 \, k4 I# } a. 女人的gaochao可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
: e4 z+ Y$ e0 t 我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。3 l# H- g/ z( u! g. L" }8 J
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/ x' J. }9 u+ v! C. \* a* r7 o& T 14、Men have two emoti**: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.; {7 A0 }( a0 D6 J
男人就两种状态:饿 和 xing饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!, _' _1 U9 f" t3 O. k) o: E
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4 t8 T* D5 C5 @, G 15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
$ V2 M/ d" S+ t1 a 光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些NB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.$ @$ x }, ?3 t% i2 t( n# X
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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- m; G' ]- x" |% e 17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.4 z$ C9 I% ^+ d' h" }: Q" B
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
+ b3 `" C9 d; L2 V) U- F6 I7 o+ d 你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
$ K# f% K, ?) M$ r8 {! d XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…' n7 N' [3 B/ j% W" V
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9 C$ X O6 A; n0 v! ] 20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
. [* p" A* u: _ 晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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s. p3 c. @4 F. g. q- ^2 U 21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
# [, {( {( X8 W+ I 直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
. F5 b& Q5 L7 T9 u8 N, N. p: R 意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科!
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