1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a 2 {, P! p+ U+ w( M! \
bike and asked for forgiveness.
# B7 g8 K: S! j3 {- D4 T" {" k开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一4 Z) m7 _7 y4 x
辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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8 ]# ?3 q+ M, e6 F2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
! ^0 f4 V5 v# Z" M- knd yelling like the passengers in his car.
: K9 o# I1 Q- [( R5 K6 A$ i我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一! H2 j7 J+ M9 l! s
样死法啊!
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4 \/ a5 m; @' s& B- Z3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
& H7 l t2 r. k# x" ~5 Swith experience.
$ O* F+ J& o4 P7 w" _# ^你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.. x) G7 I# b% c1 ]
直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
4 D: H. M" M7 K8 ]* k% U( ?- y8 t( W8 @) b% C% r: p! l
意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。2 `$ K7 x1 o) M/ L1 n
* R2 p3 x" m$ Y- ]意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。( l# j8 a- @$ x1 J! E
1 @/ I: }+ A& v! n, \5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
0 S6 j I* w) Aa. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞...
/ }6 |+ f ^6 a( ^' ~$ c. k) i2 [$ {3 w7 ?' _; B0 Q
b. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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% v, u1 w! O9 B$ K! ~1 a; [a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
' ]/ j% U, \- K5 h. X# H, i/ `6 i/ O( S3 ^; U
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.0 ]) Z4 b, C, i E# l8 G
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.0 y ~% \4 W" F" |
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd 9 y. j% A0 {8 S: `
better have a good hand.
: q% Q5 i. k" N1 @XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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8 ^# C6 ~: J# A9 [& i6 W& w \9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
; F8 o n1 b7 v: Q; {n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.- [% O# B: x& j* q n2 m
有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
' O* q' _. w# W( h( d+ d还是很有喜感。
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- Q5 I3 v$ Z! i H- V/ m* c10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan$ U4 U4 t& N- W k: C
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
W7 O5 C; b$ D$ C+ g) S政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏' h! Z, P' m. V( A
了!!! U4 ]' x+ R4 L
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11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.; G8 c' `9 `- q
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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B' f+ ]# S) T6 i$ v12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship' P# [( b& ^. [ t
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a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!1 C0 ?! W2 R8 _4 V: j
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b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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3 M3 D M+ T) I13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.. R! x4 A$ D$ }. \
我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。5 J* H( h( J/ \, J+ ?
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14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
( X# U. d; U6 H( i5 L* z" t" en, make him a sandwich.! B' ~. R7 C4 {3 B! M0 l) D& {1 _
男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!# c$ }# y) B4 F5 X) w
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt F# s# l, `+ k- R
il you hear them speak.+ o8 ^' Y4 G7 z9 h" @- t; O+ W% V
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...6 f+ E2 J2 a3 ^
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) v& W% K7 o; `" g+ N3 H; w6 U/ ~2 `- P16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
/ A- _$ a \, e! n: X g/ _我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
+ l8 p+ D/ U9 q+ _+ E+ d曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。' P7 l* \' v% {" w- p" Y. n
1 u$ f, d, N' _/ c( ]& n( ]* G18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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" q' A% C' M$ k& Y9 `" f19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.5 @9 i [; {0 w# F4 r
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to & U0 ^6 r1 j, c9 y0 F7 r! f
tell you why it isn't.
5 A4 j) s2 r2 i- \6 f6 l" D# z晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。# A% @7 @1 @6 ?% X
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole9 K4 b+ d% w2 ]9 L
box to start a campfire?
/ Q m6 |: [6 ?9 J& D8 a直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
5 w! J" t" T, z意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科* p& v5 y/ m/ X9 c
: J% }5 }& z3 b, Z22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy& ~+ ?% |. J7 G E0 L# l
s it?" V; `9 k2 C7 Z3 {" S5 B
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?0 f. F9 O! a! o
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
8 k. ^9 U6 q, q3 N# s3 zuit salad.1 a' A b4 T! k3 @' U# g
直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
( b% {" t" e' C9 i! M- s& n意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个- u2 F3 i" d/ V' l% ^5 l
篮子。. J7 N" a" y) {, P& I1 f3 S/ D0 h
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~ M1 l S7 @. `, L& i
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24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.& l4 C* y$ R) m( N3 Y, c: K% Z) Q
上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!* t' H7 N* x7 F1 w: x$ g
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the' ?+ ]* f) J6 G2 f1 y( i. {1 o
same night.
: i( g& L( m* B无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian9 G8 G7 @2 h0 g M
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。0 q" y4 L% F* m
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
7 V# D% |! |9 H) `2 ~( `# a. On my desk, I have a work station.." U7 k5 G8 ~5 ]8 \1 E7 @& d/ V
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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" \ O( F2 G* l$ v2 e28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
1 ^( i; J& C6 l j- v, }要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv- x0 d9 `; h, H1 L" [8 i
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the" C% |/ e/ |. @3 q; [4 q
m fish?/ ?* C+ n2 w0 z0 ~' m
海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
: G. H) o$ n8 [; S, `$ N% y了。
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- k( [) q( S, c8 A$ r' C2 S30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin: Y) o @8 n) b7 E- t" l5 j0 ^
g.
L0 P) |) ?8 K. za. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!* F q' I! ~# @' v, {
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!! C4 {' X- q1 k8 J6 Q1 K
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan. s9 V, z7 ?/ t) U) g8 ` ^
ts?"0 u% k) ]- E' ~7 s, M
瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”" h0 x$ ^# q) d! {
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
' R$ `+ s! h9 T- F* `: t Dand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
8 h5 z0 L+ {2 D V( i6 C$ oup.
; b8 H6 M1 ]7 m3 _孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。% h- x$ `+ o7 T/ R; b( d( D
2 b9 b1 f" {: [, l d- Q% P3 @. ^33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
' B! P; M, X1 r( R0 N; ^/ xt check when you say the paint is wet?5 a9 _ F" T) X$ Q7 L( p5 J3 Y" |
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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3 t! t2 R0 W* x* z T5 V8 ^$ p% o$ ~34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al! r+ g* ~, \- ^
l doubt., m3 ~9 U" p7 R" @
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。7 Z: ~. S& h+ w
b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
, n1 D$ s" m) ^, E Tc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释 \( W" I! L/ ^4 y$ y+ ^
d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。3 G! {+ V) w1 [0 b
) e4 P5 ?1 w/ t2 O" l7 K35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
6 Z' x5 X8 E+ V% F* E3 d) {8 `t need it.
8 K- T: p* h! `# h7 a8 t& \银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.: P7 `7 X# u7 R$ e7 w
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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, s3 B/ ]8 V, ~9 y& y# Kb. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。- G: k6 |( _' S: `! Q, g* [) b/ M
$ z- D: e! ~/ P1 ~5 V37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!9 i& S& k- S' H# ]
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!* W5 y- c* r; L6 S' p
意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫+ `* C0 o- v0 L6 N. g6 l
/ f X. q0 C5 S- M38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
) z0 V; a0 o7 A L% W& Oa. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
J( W# A9 Y' @5 o7 c" P. r+ J _$ |意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
6 m2 i4 V& C# \/ d- O4 E2 Ec. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。, Z7 M3 F5 F* H8 W* x: ~; z5 a
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
( `* L; a3 _( I9 J6 w/ Za. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····- M C, ]9 A& q5 e* K/ t) c8 d
b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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' ]9 D6 Q4 M2 d- g r40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. d4 [" ?7 E& K
临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟~, q" u% J4 o3 k/ d1 b7 J
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
+ N6 m4 A7 U6 K! F v4 ^4 Ma bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
) w" | W' o' b) h- k3 s如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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C/ K1 [) g7 j1 |42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room., l( n+ ~: f" E8 Q' L
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。9 X; q1 U0 B4 c) ~8 ` D8 L2 \
& f: e8 t- V: s3 G& m43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
+ I0 i" Z. m4 x$ ~- t0 J- g5 Zrls live./ d" n$ w7 e. }' ~8 _! W% s
圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
8 |# P/ G) ]7 P" X$ X* nch.1 `. _! d) @' a l/ c$ F" t& a) G3 }
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
- O. g' F- j: `" H7 S意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。* t7 B4 V: w6 D9 m% h9 b
4 _- l+ j# [$ t( D1 ?, r. r, h45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.3 B6 r- |+ W+ c8 B% z7 k
有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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# O$ Y1 N# u q" |) G. f46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a 2 N$ J7 F1 [5 y3 E
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.; M: _! E- v. X$ j& g8 B9 @ s
我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨, y& ~0 j) ^9 v5 S1 a4 R* p% W; e
叫声是一样滴。
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: f; l! l" T7 h1 D7 K' x* ~47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
/ l! x6 Q0 e8 F5 A$ i& c5 |+ h, N! H/ |直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。( u! H. K" D1 Q* y8 G2 {
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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7 D9 t1 a `" {48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.' ]" M3 ~6 R$ A3 n' G' @, K
我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
# t9 i* [) n" Z" C: ]& Y Uy, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
; N8 d4 j h, J; w+ q: ]; \当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什" T C/ A: w+ N& @
么忙?!. P2 f; C3 W2 i8 u6 V
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
3 Q. C) |' d6 l m$ Z上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!/ S" t9 U. W8 E# R. W0 T7 {" G
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