1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a 0 M4 T# X$ ~$ p7 L6 h- P. D% M
bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 x! w7 D' i% P% k开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一9 N2 r* Z3 P! M! I, P
辆然后求上帝宽恕。) `5 [) I! B! e, S9 [- W
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
( i9 W1 }7 Z' ]2 r# n# |nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
3 n6 P$ Y; c+ f* L我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一( q8 M# u" m7 \1 _. E" K/ X, m
样死法啊!
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3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you4 ^6 ]9 @7 w# X' S2 Z
with experience.
0 z. N/ S4 s5 |5 ~1 B- y; [& k7 x1 g你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你& j) X O% P4 u* Y# B+ I. R& o
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.0 M r% f( }% r/ k3 O* z
直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。5 w. y; W/ C0 C% {+ K$ v
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意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
5 _ n, R: L- J% ba. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞...9 O7 R( _3 }' [5 @% [ C, f" Y
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b. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。
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+ z, w& ?3 p9 |* X6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.# T! j+ Q% l2 D6 W9 r
' o# e: J& Q; u: d5 t$ D5 O% Y9 wa. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。- Z" s: s2 l, b. a7 y
4 ^6 t# ~$ w8 L( P9 t, c0 F/ _% N7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police., V5 k/ }, y b) |( x
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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( w5 Y; ^( \' A' ^8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd * U9 Q. E- e! Q3 k5 E5 V: c' q ]
better have a good hand.
C3 ], y4 l Q3 ~) a2 K7 Y. ^XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。* }/ N4 X9 d+ D4 O6 M
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9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca* G0 W# n- p, B' ?, ?" a
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
+ h, i7 v& R! D, Q7 X; A2 g* I: H有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去. ~% m+ o; g, B' O* a
还是很有喜感。* S4 p, R6 `1 Y4 B
) ^) R$ v# @3 X3 c4 U/ _/ R1 X10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan3 `7 a# Z/ a% Z" ?
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
/ k8 P+ o& Z: Q: @! h9 `: j4 ?政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
. Q/ u7 k8 Q( F1 ]. f9 O4 K# t了!!. i) z7 @: W/ H9 R! e# C3 w3 `( O
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11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left. h7 L8 a; \3 j* J4 ]& n" @0 u
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship! w1 r7 G/ }& L5 _% B# z! |) E# l
.
2 j8 ]3 F( B1 `# o7 ^a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!' u" B4 O6 D2 r. j/ U% ]& W
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b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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1 g' J) O$ W( e5 T9 ?13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.5 L: D' t: l% M
我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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2 N* o+ U3 a! A14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
2 U2 m* S5 Z6 j( P4 U. On, make him a sandwich.
6 K: Y! e- e& _2 b X0 \ g男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!$ f. D) d. w4 z0 w9 O, S6 _ B% j) y
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt9 x+ u* C% X/ s- V9 Q& w/ G
il you hear them speak.
4 d$ F: d: `% {* o, d' S光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.8 U7 m, o+ t7 _3 v4 b+ w, a( O, ?8 K
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。1 f. y- e; @& g. m# \" y8 t
5 L. d; H Z! Q0 }+ i) f- ~17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.% j9 \! J/ O1 q5 P$ G+ M8 T
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。& _. P* c$ u8 R! A
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment* M" Q& v c+ d! s
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你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~, }! s, |/ b& @1 |; k# d
+ m' t* g' L: `6 ]! y* z, F2 ^19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.2 f6 J) [3 y( w0 j
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...; n( h! n6 E1 ~% V! L* u. t
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to 0 }, u1 Q' D y( q, o4 z
tell you why it isn't.
% y1 l# x5 h- C晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。! A7 a2 `, n5 I" r* _3 t
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
0 n. V ^" Y( Y ^$ ibox to start a campfire?6 C! J, T# c1 \) i, C$ U. |% b% ]& n
直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!& ], h' F! d+ o& \
意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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* \4 t& N. ], z3 g# z# U- _22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy3 z: ?7 F2 K }) B* w( z6 S
s it?
! j, H) d# g; S/ j5 d如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
% w- j: q! ]& R/ Z0 Cuit salad.
5 h* i" W6 {% u9 a: V; x$ c直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
6 c0 N( g! @+ @: d" I% K& }意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个5 L9 r3 D3 w' ^, |. Q. W$ H7 W
篮子。) G: z: @& Q9 v% P
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~# h3 u1 g; x* a8 z2 b
$ a$ w) ~. ^- @* L5 j24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining., D! x# ^0 e# I4 q$ R6 [. f
上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!( k: G* j" J ]1 F
$ M0 w X9 c' U- w; z/ k25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the( m% t# e* G Q; X% p, \2 J$ U2 x& r
same night.$ ~& D; Y& D6 q. m8 v4 b5 V
无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian7 Z) P& M( j: Q: j$ s6 m
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。" ?( g4 B5 @7 A8 P1 C
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
1 g( M1 ]4 P1 u5 \. On my desk, I have a work station..
6 y* b) z( C) x# }公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.$ W4 f( K; @1 n& z1 \, k. T+ ]; G6 f: b
要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。+ t- s% ?( X V" J( }* [" [
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
# t5 ] Q& {/ S! R9 ?5 bity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the7 E3 M4 C$ n: s' ? c! I
m fish?
: m; g4 |# A/ ^: V# ]. ]海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
9 K9 p) b+ f; d, ^* o9 l/ e; p* ^了。5 K/ N9 z6 Q6 u1 w
q! F1 T& C8 F( k* ?30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
1 e7 o- r3 ?8 a) R$ K: g; n2 Ig.
( t/ h# [2 l; I* ^! H2 T: i% _a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
* o4 e% z9 V5 N" rb. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan3 w/ J1 v2 |, L% P* [- ~- N) B
ts?"% e0 P2 R1 e, u8 I9 s/ V" v
瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk1 u& v4 m3 [1 n$ r- `
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。: V) u9 E9 {0 [$ v
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
0 u) p" E: Q/ n8 Mt check when you say the paint is wet?
3 L9 s: o9 z1 Y! E% F1 K为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al- W# c6 a3 M0 _6 }5 g4 @
l doubt.
9 {' W1 o p3 T, k7 |a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。9 @# r/ B8 o- O" s2 d
b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
1 B5 `: o8 M* U+ Cc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
: y$ i: i# Y3 od. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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( N I& G- x$ `) w35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'; D1 }4 d# L$ h) z
t need it.5 A! n# E: |" E1 D. ^4 W
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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" g( v' K& _; j) o5 ?36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
/ n- i( w, P5 ma.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
, O" {8 S8 D F% i% l* fa. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!0 z- r- }; L6 \2 N& s; U6 ]
意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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0 J( E# C4 r: U( m+ s2 R38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- C8 Z# G# z7 i& I$ s+ M! ya. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?8 H9 S7 B$ t, K* c
意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
3 S, W* w; S7 Z- k; C: d# zc. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。( t4 u4 E* }1 h
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.* i8 V4 T' }0 M' h, g
a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
$ N) {/ Q. H" E; tb. 想立牌坊就得会装9 r" c6 C$ q9 R; V" j: \3 a
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40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
2 B' E6 S' @1 d) t临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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A1 C5 F8 W1 z3 ?6 `; {) M41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
% B1 C# R4 u$ G9 y/ ~+ Ca bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.) S5 f9 U( \# m" z- w
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.& h# @+ g. a: M. q& Y6 V0 _
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
( N& I2 V) Y5 c, E$ I5 _rls live.( D5 V1 c2 n0 W2 Y
圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!7 B' T4 c1 Q) K( V/ v+ Q3 f2 f
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
3 H2 b9 E$ L9 [! D# Y意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。: A/ Y; D2 a2 L- i8 U) }0 n
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45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.0 j r8 l3 v: V$ n% c
有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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. ]# F* w/ X. I1 h. y" [46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
& s& F/ f" X* _6 i+ v8 `7 g8 tgreat white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
+ |9 Y. y: c3 W* Q我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
4 D5 ~1 R' K" V6 I叫声是一样滴。
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47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
: Y$ p8 }# [5 I# ]* \& N3 A: @直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。" b) N! A1 z6 C3 x
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.5 N/ B! T* f* M* ?9 c( T! e
我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!2 W4 T: \: |1 A' }3 w' y- W! ^
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49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
6 g4 e# w6 s0 R( h' R2 \0 my, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
- t5 n! {3 E' {- n/ x当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什- g L% t: l" H6 F4 J1 e' m& w4 }
么忙?!
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.5 T- e- f3 P' Y7 c
上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!! b" S6 ~3 G, x3 E- O9 y
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