英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
5 n' q$ a2 x' V( m/ Kbike and asked for forgiveness.
! k9 C9 P6 `  d$ Q$ y# i4 G开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
) X: ~4 r0 k. V  Y7 y/ {( \nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
# k3 y' O, W, p; Q3 g我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
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, m. k$ |5 T' H3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.
) `3 U  I9 k' Z6 u你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你


9 L9 L8 U: i4 I+ _% h# Y3 B4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
+ A; D. V* \: K) Q  {直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
  f$ m* A' ]" Q( j8 B/ H3 ~4 ^
意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

  x9 }' T4 Z3 m8 K意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
. J% N( L, p) }) A' B  T2 ]
! `8 i7 R, w2 j5 @6 ]5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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( D, X+ }+ m. t  j6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！

) l6 y+ [5 @2 R5 G" R4 _1 ab. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
: G9 B" E0 @7 f- v
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
0 g6 @# m8 m2 r, A2 j, TXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
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* Q( e) W3 E' B2 v* B2 c9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。
. ~: H  {8 ^9 h  Q6 C- @
- o$ U- a& B' C10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
. B  T, C, H1 C3 d. m" Rged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！

11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
3 I: M" l- k: r* }$ h战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。

12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
# T% t, H0 u1 e  c8 j9 T5 ?. p* Z% ka. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  S4 g- w2 F1 ^我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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+ W" U' Z' }; W6 R14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
( ~/ Z, V3 c7 i& In, make him a sandwich.
4 _5 F& _% c3 n+ q5 `- i男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
( V4 m% C2 r' j1 Z. J
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
' w0 l" A7 ?' wil you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...


16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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( q  C0 Z+ T- ^5 L- ^9 N17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
6 n# T+ Z! `1 V& U9 ]. ~/ k曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
/ `$ W* e  |( r
* {. f6 X5 G& T* m6 {18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
s.
- h; U" \9 Z' F" a3 f, p你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~

* M3 i* {. k* H& V19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
+ T' U: D) ^4 h/ j7 `
20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
% C( [$ n4 A% q2 Bbox to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
9 }5 t0 h& O  z. G5 o4 C意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
6 v: @& |- ?- c& e
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
s it?
/ j' V# w  w% z4 \如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
: ?5 ]; ~( e5 G3 V- [% N9 w2 b
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
uit salad.
) h2 |2 W4 T8 I3 b; d. A% ]直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
篮子。
+ D$ f# F' J8 q( X5 c5 H意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~

7 Z) ]$ `$ h# G+ G4 E/ o24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
# A5 Q/ x4 W! Q5 l上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
  T% C' r& P4 _6 V无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。

1 b1 f: @6 y  V% b" `+ Q7 |26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
' G  B( G, w% R8 v& W& @/ {3 [! Q老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
8 E% f" c( W+ W6 Z# ^
27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
. On my desk, I have a work station..
7 \( g0 j1 \. v. Y6 T, B公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…

28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
/ w9 U; J. D; S' E# y4 ]. A' H+ `) K! X! E要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。
0 u1 N1 k; I' z" a% C
29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
m fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
1 r/ b) A9 z. h% \了。

; a* g: {$ ?7 w8 X# [* g30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
g.
a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
( H+ s/ b. s5 L' R7 X5 ab. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
5 `& y& `& B7 U/ ^0 F
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
; B+ r! H& C' N( x1 o/ o$ kts?"
1 n- E) T) x( ?* D( H1 n: W" a$ p瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”

2 ?5 V& D! v' I% L8 ~0 T& c32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
up.
# n: k  x, w5 o! a* @% t! F% d孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

" {7 U% ?0 t3 r% f, z8 E33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
1 ?( m/ c% g3 pt check when you say the paint is wet?
0 C6 \& l* w2 q' U5 ~为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
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6 w) o: v. R! z8 s34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
l doubt.
; G* K/ o9 s5 T7 ?$ |% ra. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
2 R3 K' G4 r7 S" \6 o0 Z# L9 o# ub. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
% L; \' k7 i1 x! Z% X& Zc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。

35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
t need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方

  v: C: i+ ~) u36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
8 N  i9 e/ g6 C  D5 x1 L3 oa.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
* D4 G% M$ h+ G/ g3 |
b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。
! v1 C' M3 t' e" ~1 {2 ?
3 F9 u7 l" b* k2 e0 @* z5 \37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
" A. O" A# n' z9 H# Wa. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
6 l! p/ h3 z2 a+ ?9 N意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
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- p+ ?1 k) i1 O9 v+ ]+ z38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
8 E, ~9 N5 R1 x* f; sa. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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- p: N# w' ?7 ^8 ~6 H. r40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
8 _$ p  P% R$ L; p# H+ I临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~

0 e: B' q: E! ~- @8 s' D$ E41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
。

5 |# g4 U- H% K5 ]; k; h1 m/ v42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。

43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
/ N, r, ~; P& Frls live.
/ h7 g8 d+ d' i6 f! i9 r- X: b圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！

44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
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45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
4 A5 u/ S3 \2 D2 o; d' C9 f8 B有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.

$ b- S+ C8 ~, @1 @- x) X46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
0 |0 ~  o* l: V* U- P5 E8 Ngreat white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
, @! M/ B* H% B1 A( c9 @叫声是一样滴。
9 O" \2 {  Q, H9 s, R) x% V
: l2 ^+ F9 A3 ~$ [9 M) q. j$ T3 k47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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8 |" |2 v" e& u48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
6 E9 f/ x7 y1 Jy, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
6 d& M0 _$ y) I/ c( ^! C- X当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
么忙？！
8 e9 h1 p" x0 X( k
5 y& L, v3 f7 ^0 e% @% g50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！

winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
5 b1 P  ]- Z" ]% h: M! x  ?" ?
第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多

第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改
! x9 y& K4 D) R8 a+ P9 l* t
+ g2 y: r7 h. P' m  Z2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
* n, e* l6 n3 fnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
2 h  z0 Y  q  M; J3 N4 z我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

. l4 A9 @6 k$ R  x( L/ X& [5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
8 A4 |  g0 m, P5 N0 Q3 W$ ea. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
. @( r( z8 k, _9 I, y! X
5 D$ U0 ]5 r! S% u" w6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
6 {! C- q8 W- Sa. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
" L8 r0 h) g& [% ]$ F& Q先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
) u$ d7 F3 f( x3 jXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
  E1 z+ K- R9 R. ]$ M" @还是很有喜感。
1 V, `# d( @1 E2 P某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。
8 K( V. E* ~; b' ?$ u* W$ K& K7 q
! c) p+ b% X+ L. l* O* e, n* V7 X10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
6 R' M' U1 ?; P9 p/ N" v2 gged regularly, and for the same reason.
# J5 S$ t" d' p6 T政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
6 e7 Z, o% F. d政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样
" x% L0 O  S9 I7 j
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
) K. q" h; w/ ]9 Xn, make him a sandwich.
4 C* I% |2 l2 I0 I男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
% _4 ?1 O$ X4 m男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。

; N/ f* H: k  T: @# S16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
; v- A+ l; f& v* |# s. b我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。
5 B' v: Q' D/ w/ I: }% |6 B6 t
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
( f. y2 H, n  D0 v4 c% V3 o' n曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
- _0 {9 R$ @% K9 C3 G3 H  a曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
9 g8 P0 l7 x5 }0 B
% ^: P: P, c* E, l! B# A19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
  Y& C( C( ]/ ?% MXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
+ q( F* `/ }" N4 @XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
8 ?; W5 W; H. a& ba. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊
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& G9 u2 k9 N) ^; ^9 k另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子

2 Y9 a2 o4 T4 k6 a6 \! K1 E& M4 x第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

我觉得N版改得经典