英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
4 _; {. h6 D/ ?2 Ibike and asked for forgiveness.
! {) j7 O- h9 w开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
% ?' {+ J' ~# M6 wnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
1 D9 z, e5 u4 O7 `. c; M我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
2 m& r& p3 J+ K5 pwith experience.
* x% h2 \% O" i# _6 a' [" l你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你

3 y+ m) e; ]% J3 _- v4 `
) J" t1 Q6 D2 ^7 I, [4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
( R7 g2 x' D  M直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
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意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
9 L5 h1 N+ Q, ya. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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/ V/ N7 J) o2 L$ A. z7 q8 r" k" O6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！

b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

; _7 F( `: U, j8 L, n2 _# l0 N7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
3 I0 H+ {' ^  R在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.

3 N5 F8 Z& i' a4 T+ W8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
3 D! d; w" I% F# o& z. Z3 Gbetter have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
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9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
$ J3 z" [! q2 r7 v/ w2 Jn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
2 N0 C3 }# ]7 \: q% n还是很有喜感。
* |) A8 |# C) ~9 r6 |
- c6 W9 r9 g* u" ^" B# W10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
3 G- X4 a' K2 ~" J1 t: p% b, zged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！

6 G4 J& V9 F& U, z11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
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12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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9 V2 l) U" c! F1 M7 a13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- Z: q* X9 Z0 X: O+ o我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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0 \! T% b% W* |  a2 u) p! y14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
, v3 n, W% P' x: {: Y) Gn, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！

15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
, F  f; o. r: d% Iil you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
+ |7 S2 o" a- v  A3 b  C
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
/ d- J5 u' x0 d. G" Z我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。

17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。

18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
$ A: i7 L+ P0 _5 es.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~

19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
6 S- n6 Q6 @/ W/ B3 e! BXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
4 O8 j2 ^" L/ `0 ^5 Q! y2 \1 y" z" Wbox to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
$ z, F; x' c' Q. B- W9 Ss it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？

23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
$ d0 d9 S% p1 j9 w: |: duit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
  L* _, ?- v$ V, g意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
篮子。
  v: \7 U( k% ^" ^1 L: z意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
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24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
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+ W2 p- l' E( Y& C* w26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
. On my desk, I have a work station..
- y- y! i1 l$ o4 y' I公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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: U3 Z7 a" ]; ]9 S" j9 [: `0 K) `* {28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
m fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
7 @  O8 b! G' s, ?6 E了。
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: s, y5 r! o$ X( @" c30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
  v2 ?3 ~$ c7 W& M0 a( h1 g# ~g.
a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
# z8 n8 a  K. q5 o+ x5 ]7 Lb. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
5 L! }6 M2 B7 Vand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
% L" a0 k! e# it check when you say the paint is wet?
: [3 B5 e5 p6 i+ \: J为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
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34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
l doubt.
/ L9 C# Y* N8 X/ F+ ~  Ua. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
# i9 u7 J& H  C1 b. C4 p0 Z/ m8 tb. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
* Y9 b0 t. r4 N+ U( a  rd. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。

35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
t need it.
* Q+ _/ V) K7 e银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。

/ A. W4 E# l' O3 F& }b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
4 i  @6 [# @2 i( g意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫

* g2 J& [. b, N( g38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  n) _" D; P9 {& K6 B: }! Qa. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
! W2 `# Y- x9 }. D% c! ~8 \  O意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。

8 M! M8 B- w3 `' W4 y39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装

. }( U" C  P) j- D' o' E1 d40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
5 e4 }3 _' }. Q$ H1 @/ `; ea bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
/ j$ _/ p1 a1 p1 P如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
。

1 S/ ~3 `) T7 ^% w, |42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
) u# {1 k, h8 f小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
  S/ q$ u9 j4 U; l# I: rrls live.
' ^+ X3 j+ T$ m+ J. S# a" Y圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
; H2 c2 @. a2 U2 P, A# O剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
! l; Q) h8 S) I, Q意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
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( f" v$ t- I% ^; c1 B( R45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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$ ]) A, ^  D6 s% J7 g) ^46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
' t. Q: |% f% a- O6 o" `6 u我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。
  ~1 G2 O4 y7 T6 s+ n1 ~. ~
47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
, U, H6 q1 N+ I7 `5 |0 Z7 K直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
么忙？！
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: f- B& S2 P' E6 ^50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
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winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！

% {' v5 v# L/ J  ?+ o第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多
9 o5 _0 z* S7 ~/ X; _
第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
; [  @  y& F% O5 Knd yelling like the passengers in his car.
, ^0 |6 F9 Y7 z, S  \9 F, {% i% z我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
/ J4 R: v5 S: R" G% J. g& \5 N; i. O; S样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
5 m' o, }: s; g2 o$ e# w先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

1 k- Y# T0 C+ L2 N! w3 M2 A8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
+ K# g6 o5 j2 ]better have a good hand.
% R3 _: k  R& M; DXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。

8 O( o; H, b' c4 L% a- t( W9 M: }9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
3 P" M4 |+ T* k  L: B" \2 Cn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
5 S! Q$ \; Z$ B& P( }* x& K* E还是很有喜感。
! s# p$ w0 o' V8 P$ X8 D某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。
7 B2 P$ }* n' u+ h" k- V
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
. Z! x3 h  m; v' J; |" An, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
1 ]" e) a9 R* i) V6 _7 V  R男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。

16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。

8 O; n" I9 Q' u% K3 n17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。

19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
) Q. v8 _! K" X) x% aXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
1 B1 C. G6 N5 a5 f6 cXXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。
9 B  T3 y; L$ c  c/ a( ]% i
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
3 G( ?7 V7 U  w- L* V* Z6 a4 `若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊
5 _1 A/ a  N0 v0 v# B* T2 a# Z7 ^
2 d2 C/ P6 W, u9 l& [; G8 _, g7 m
另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子

! ^0 Y/ K1 V% P* b" f第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
6 `: {  [) L, J0 X不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

3 I4 m8 H+ d2 B! v! c% Z( d我觉得N版改得经典