英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.
) c+ c, J" G3 }0 l( n开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
8 @! I# n: X9 T  }辆然后求上帝宽恕。
5 @3 {- H6 O* ]# ~& ~
* z- |4 P- d; b. o2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
' a+ |; O+ E8 a( ^4 i8 D/ {我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
, V2 y* u- ]6 J+ M* f, @4 Z) g. k样死法啊！

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
0 [3 G: x1 B) z$ f! A$ I1 jwith experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你

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* h: A% Y7 [. O+ \1 K5 o! R( R5 q& X3 s4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
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意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
- b% H8 ]# [/ e3 r. va. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

. g8 ^/ u* J0 i: v. b/ y9 B+ c% wb. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！

b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
& V* C" M8 \" h( a0 k# v在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
/ x4 @# d, H* e! h! b$ x6 ybetter have a good hand.
7 O+ R. z8 c8 ^7 p" Z  M3 `9 D/ CXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
* ?! ?% |3 M0 v* m6 T0 Z, K# rn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
# ?, |4 D9 E( A' z# l/ K2 p& s有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。

/ z# A; }, _% \. h% @5 E10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
9 y: N; O" Y8 \- F政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
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3 p. b0 e. m1 W4 ~& I' H* ?11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7 a1 }( y% d9 ~) m战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
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! G, p2 K3 s0 C: }$ Y$ y12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。

: U% a" i9 G2 {* R13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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+ q% ^+ J* R6 z/ C: d/ }$ }8 l16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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' |$ ]) y; L5 x) R2 G17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
+ n/ `4 K% W& w曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
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18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
s.
3 c( D9 z, M* C+ n你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~

+ {2 J, Q" L6 p+ f. v+ l; p19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...

1 c3 Y8 `, T3 U6 l' s' @3 Q20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
$ S9 m6 O, Z2 q6 I; Z晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

& [4 z' o. D5 }21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
! C- n" C  }# m: D7 N$ h% T" V( J$ o9 g直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科

0 d. J, J5 a; C8 g0 |22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
* Z" m; k3 ^; D6 N8 g! As it?
: C7 `0 G8 [; X0 C; r如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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7 u( Z  p4 R7 B% C23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
4 p" g; W" \8 P& Euit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
篮子。
( {: L! h% f( }' E3 X# l6 F意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~

8 {9 q0 j/ ], N8 B+ K24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
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2 q" L: U- q8 I0 w' m8 j6 {% R25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
( t- n  u/ n2 [! c2 W( Z7 [无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。

26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
" |% Q/ i8 Y8 `7 m- W9 F9 ?老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。

5 O0 o5 F% M5 S; ]  i* H27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
; l% \. O8 @, v3 z6 e) ~. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
7 N: Z4 y* K* t1 {. R1 x- v8 I4 A  |. Dity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
! o% G/ D4 ?$ f" hm fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。
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30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
g.
+ V8 j* M# W7 T1 Na. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
) t6 G* C1 ?  `' p瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”

0 Z6 j2 P+ {1 V3 [32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
up.
6 O; b" _6 p* n2 S3 y孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
; @$ k$ `% h/ K, [! T" }9 c) Pt check when you say the paint is wet?
1 q! i0 y( `' F4 [0 C) x9 \6 Z为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
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34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
3 w2 l  y: v/ X5 W* _l doubt.
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
  {0 p! P9 M& g1 Xc. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。

$ i  r6 i8 Y' N; c! c% J  p35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
& H" D0 a9 s" d" rt need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方

36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
0 ^1 E' \8 y7 E( |a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
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$ H" j& @: |5 b& ]% a, Sb. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫

38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
5 X* a% R- q* e9 ?a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
7 U  C& h- g8 K+ j3 S意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~

" B. Q4 h9 W& D' q  _; r0 e41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
; a- R6 T% Y) L& S如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
& O( L$ d4 `0 {) _/ m2 N。
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42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
' A: U: m. D+ E/ F" S4 r! A小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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2 {# }7 P$ o7 J43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
5 ?( L' j2 ]. ~* d* c$ Mrls live.
5 I* a- q$ f% E; D圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！
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6 c% A5 N4 ?' g+ M9 x$ v8 ^1 S- H$ Q) q44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
ch.
% x$ _6 }! o- w剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。

! S9 r" h$ J! H6 x! k45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
1 f1 S* r: d: a, F有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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- k  I; e8 f( a2 M0 }" v46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
" k2 C4 l/ h6 |6 m+ x- Y& Q9 ?我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。
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47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
2 D5 e+ P% t3 L* n4 p5 m0 m意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。

48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！
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49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
# V' V2 F1 x; [当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
4 l$ |% K9 @/ V1 j么忙？！

) Q+ @: b9 u- |& L- n, F1 \8 j5 N# z50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！

winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
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# \# N; N9 @/ W2 I+ t3 S第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多
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* u9 F4 x) v( a' T第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改
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$ C- J5 ?9 ]2 T' d8 B2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
- F5 [& `( v( q) j* Und yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
/ a1 g/ m; Q' `8 [4 d) @我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
3 Z! G' J6 V& b3 V& [a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
% y. W, F9 w/ Y' G8 f先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
& h0 c5 G( ]- G, H2 dXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。
1 {; E7 Y' b0 j( T7 k) K7 E
! s7 W# [5 o$ Y9 F& j+ p6 T5 S9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
& j* E6 O8 q3 n  H$ ln't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
9 k0 A) o$ i4 a, Z' T6 m" \  b( L有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
; ?0 E1 u  B' G, w1 Y# e还是很有喜感。
某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！
+ d) b/ g: x1 ]2 d3 t% K) v政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
4 J5 `' k1 t5 U6 en, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。
! ^: ~! t2 e4 I2 j: V7 m
- v0 Q! }# q+ N/ J, z5 L9 U16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。

17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
) b! v1 H3 y# Q5 ~/ K/ C曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。

19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
2 ^* D% @( e& J- f# h, Q4 n& YXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊
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另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子
- @2 c. G) K6 b* q8 N! Q3 b
第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

1 @' P. P0 P! E: {2 B2 ?1 X我觉得N版改得经典