英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
; k1 d) P0 D) ?) xbike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
辆然后求上帝宽恕。

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
, J1 R% \  U0 {5 y2 d' snd yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
5 e% h+ P3 |& M; `3 _样死法啊！

$ k1 j2 k6 d  P: Y- t* j  P3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
. g2 W$ O7 H' c' Kwith experience.
+ S  @/ N; X2 Z/ z& n9 o你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
& g/ G8 Y9 L! @* N, |) G% c9 T
2 j3 q: |. M5 N: N
1 C. X' H! O1 B0 m; G; s" q4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
" I' O  r0 D: z2 j直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
+ [7 e) O9 u- i) u5 L, v- y/ A
! j# Z. j8 H1 n- \' a7 J8 `意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
4 T) I3 [$ m4 F. i- J
8 y7 b% b) ^2 c. [0 t7 [5 c意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
' F& L' z2 C5 G) o! {
+ t+ p& o: _( a! P* |& @$ E! c5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
+ P9 G) b9 X* M  e2 Qa. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...

b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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' |, k' z! ]; k8 F  u6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- w1 f0 [% Y% `) j" D  H2 h
' y* f  L2 X$ Q* u6 X  h# Y+ aa. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
, y3 P7 k5 Z( i
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
: k: [% I4 \& E0 T, lbetter have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
+ X7 q1 q0 |7 R0 h+ H( `n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
0 n# G( B9 c; c. O. r' v! B有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
2 v1 P9 H4 _7 n) \, Q2 c还是很有喜感。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
了！！

! }; Z; z1 K/ e; b, _/ M11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
# B0 v5 K( h- R
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
1 q: K& z# B. |+ W
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
$ _1 G( R  b6 F$ t: _2 R: k  ^我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。

. d, w8 ]" k4 U" Z14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
" ]" ~9 Y* L  h, e" y) [n, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
8 z' u/ e: u0 v: \4 P, ]0 F
2 Q- F* p9 c2 a5 a, K, D  T15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
; G7 C% w0 m: i0 F( b光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...

5 n5 n8 ?  `! G# F6 ?; }
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
! x( E! Y3 u' P+ F1 o6 w
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
9 `. \% B0 R2 t9 B7 t7 n% E: _曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
' h+ D9 J3 P* @) D+ B+ c& y6 R
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
, x- v, i, ]5 Js.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
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4 [5 {( W; }2 z3 H$ z7 `! v19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
1 H  Z+ T! Q+ B8 t. EXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...

20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
2 N" t# i( Z7 r, c, ^6 a3 c# Ttell you why it isn't.
& V% F% j2 }4 q( c; o) O晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
9 T! X+ e' K) t. T
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
8 v' b4 \. c' p9 ?+ {, s4 j, X6 w: nbox to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
* u2 @0 e5 D& ^7 d5 {
$ r' r) o- M9 H22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
s it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
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8 D" Q9 U7 j; f3 {" B23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
! j9 W( h. G, Y& Yuit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
5 f4 S& W: W) M! c( G) {/ n意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
: ?4 u, |0 v8 X- N篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~

$ B- }1 t* h+ p3 h24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！

25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
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3 n, h! _% h) R; y3 O/ k26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
1 U! A+ m7 _. L: L
27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
& A" a2 I* w5 L3 v) x: P) {. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…

28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
m fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
2 F# ]  R5 b) {* m9 R了。
  }3 v2 l3 `1 y* Z  U5 S
30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
$ a# W6 E) C/ n! N7 fg.
8 w* x2 ]) q8 ], m: C" ?a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
' E* A" y9 G' a# E( ^0 P* f+ e
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
; ^- U9 b, k/ fand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
8 C" H1 G' M; d9 ]up.
8 b; ~% a6 h, ]% Q) g孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

8 Q# [; R7 s: h5 {/ K  A33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
5 a2 Y) z9 B2 l: R( M/ W7 ~+ Zt check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
% L6 N# H! w- ^% j$ \/ c
34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
, I& R7 k8 f- i# h2 O! N% Q9 ?l doubt.
& ~6 i- ]. `1 \; ~8 v1 H+ ya. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
) q2 x$ N. k4 B  W- V2 R1 A  Ab. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。

35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
4 }) y* A( t- }9 B: ]- ot need it.
) a* v- i- \$ }# u4 i! N银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。

6 J( e& C1 O7 _7 T- z; E9 gb. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。
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37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
7 N6 I; f* j4 }3 K5 d3 }a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
9 D6 e  h" e& Z
38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
; V. [: E: n3 H" v: r3 ^' ^意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
. V4 y  Y) W5 R0 O. ^" S7 ?a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装

40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~

/ A9 |6 R2 M7 y1 T) P41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
' t0 \9 }$ r' c, fa bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
! }6 Q$ h- j: Q% [如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
。

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
& d1 g: O9 @* S! X小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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8 V* M9 `2 T  F5 p/ Z% [+ x43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
rls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
( D! R( P) g, F% P% R; Tch.
' [' ?" t) R5 M4 Y剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
6 T$ F6 v2 k+ \- p9 y意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。

45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- R# Z+ {2 T# K! i有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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' V# b2 v2 K( J, K- h0 Z46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
; {, k& O. U! e: d& D# K5 ]( {great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
) c# W3 N% E& @$ s- Z! M4 p' r我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
3 [3 }9 ?( q% e' I% f8 C! ~叫声是一样滴。

47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
+ T- |( [( D* H9 i意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。

48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
: X: g: F& k* Z+ g+ F( Q$ c3 C我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

; i$ o! Q* L$ m6 Y/ Y49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
7 z$ _2 M/ d! {- v/ O! y7 M6 ay, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
. R% v: ?) Y4 s% q% z当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
么忙？！

4 N6 n8 B2 @8 q+ ?: t50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
8 j2 W9 a- N0 b3 V0 o0 A% h2 g上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！

winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！

9 h/ V5 F, J5 x) C第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多

第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改

, y9 N# I2 M4 o+ z' F! `' @. {2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
8 u0 D6 {) r9 l- Q; r8 Mnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
( Y+ Q5 L. `6 l. f2 M* N; z我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
2 z2 Q; K6 m7 O  v样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

# n. V4 G3 J4 {# `" ^( g5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
" \3 R& M; z! B% r& E+ v7 Da. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。
. A4 S! P2 l9 U1 q
, R* t' R; _7 J- F* e5 w( m6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
8 I& }: j0 ?0 U- ra. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）
( D* B# B0 k4 B
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
; @, R0 y. C+ _. {% G+ Z' ]XXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。
. u& A  |0 @: a8 b" q
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
0 a! D: E3 c  l+ X+ E' y( q有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
还是很有喜感。
8 ~( d0 Q, ], F+ b+ p) s某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
6 x4 a* t& x' C& B/ U/ Iged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
; I( j% x8 Q3 C7 Q% z了！！
/ i8 Q9 Y+ P7 c; t0 n政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样

14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
7 M) M! T. r1 K# z' Pn, make him a sandwich.
0 m! w  m5 K0 H" [男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。

' A, E$ q( C. y, B$ L' M6 w& R16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
; J% |  e8 Q5 q我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。

9 S& p! U! q+ n! y# f( W17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
# x* F* ~/ H/ M& h8 r) [3 C+ r/ f曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
5 T/ h( b  }8 I! G. i4 R曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。
, j. v3 Q8 r( X# c* ]
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。
" n1 @0 p. @0 A/ \+ P: \
0 o' d- z( L' s# Q# y39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊


8 c6 y+ B" w% B( t另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子
5 u% k3 j. f9 R$ k' a8 p+ o
第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
( X& U. l$ x- P- ?5 K  {不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

我觉得N版改得经典