英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴

winne007

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
辆然后求上帝宽恕。

3 l- D8 X9 a8 s2 H) D1 [% X2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
  [; }4 p$ ?1 Z+ v4 U我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
样死法啊！
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4 T5 x3 U6 x1 [$ d/ F9 P. B, V3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
6 D1 N7 R2 x: iwith experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
+ u& s) x/ u, \, n

4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
( }1 R3 h) p6 Y4 ?  p直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

7 y; _" O, `; ^1 u: n6 C8 q0 X$ q意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

8 \8 q9 B. h; o1 _8 `5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
$ y( P: v, J9 l/ g
7 k5 `  w* Z, i. z: q  M, kb. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
8 k. Z( }- n5 D
1 [  t- p; e3 E( Ia. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
, j; x# a) n- h" k# _( k: Q
1 ?; m5 ]* V* o$ q0 J/ Ob. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
. T" Q( n( A6 G4 k; |" f& }( K4 j
  B5 u7 R. J9 A/ F5 x9 c1 f7 q7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
0 [9 K0 n" A/ d% y! X3 Xbetter have a good hand.
6 s8 _3 C4 H- p$ m* `XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
0 V( t) h' K* H& a& l2 s8 Y
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
8 j& }' K0 U  H5 j1 \9 w" d0 P$ Jn't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- Q/ i; _8 m* c  k0 Q有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
! s. S, \# U* w& c  m还是很有喜感。
/ T0 ^) Y5 r/ Y8 ~. Y8 H3 B0 |
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
6 r! M: _* b4 m$ [* @了！！
) O/ K* P$ k6 a' ~* _8 i3 ~3 Y5 j
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。

12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！

' q& i3 P6 D( `; j* g: rb. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。

13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
, x; H( T! M6 P  \* o1 J, D我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
n, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
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! w: k% ]# C1 ]( M15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
il you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...


  U4 W, Q9 |: [3 D& e) H2 S16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
; ]" }5 t7 }2 n# p  r0 E' \; g7 @我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
; R0 Q6 t5 R+ P& U( m$ f" H
7 ~; X1 T& I/ r: t8 r$ r17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
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, U6 E0 M9 D2 W9 a; S" f6 L18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
s.
# T3 z0 f+ B+ E# L& O  I你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~

1 Z  I  i7 E5 N* I. P2 j19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
- \1 D, x) A  @3 R* R+ [* \6 TXXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...

20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
) Q7 ~/ b$ Z- W6 P1 Q' w晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

. r1 A* |" K' H# k  a  v, I21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
* n3 A. g; Y& t+ e, _4 k* U$ S# }box to start a campfire?
' ~' Y) {$ |4 S  w直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
7 ?; [9 C- ^; ~% A. q3 O4 c  g意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科

7 L" M0 T2 C! j1 k3 [4 A" l' Q22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
s it?
! A$ c3 `( E% D2 l  Y如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？

23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
uit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
: _* z: f- J) G; C3 G( N篮子。
, [2 Q1 l8 ]* s+ G意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别~
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24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
3 d( \7 X5 d) V% a上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
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& |8 J4 w% F0 S+ T/ ?25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
/ x0 O* P* G; y% Y/ o& x) w' E# j无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
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& d8 y, w9 v& _26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
9 a" D; M( y) a6 ?8 ^% [/ f$ g老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
* y0 i' N, a$ ~
/ v5 e6 h" ~  U, G27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
4 U% |1 c1 T' w5 g3 E要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
0 v) e2 S9 h8 s+ ^m fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。

% T% g/ {; C8 {30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
g.
) T) t9 f- d* x6 i8 La. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！

31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
ts?"
  S- @/ s; l* u+ c( b: l2 ^瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
9 i. _. p% p- e+ G& j& uand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
' ?; `  U" h! F0 N8 {" N9 ]: J) yup.
* P3 ~" ]3 q$ K8 q5 e孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

) `( G$ T: J9 [. p0 C7 p5 Z33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
t check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？

/ v  f) z& V+ _1 q9 `34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
l doubt.
, C4 A5 e/ E! |. x2 K$ b+ N! M9 R; Ea. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
: a  ?8 p, ]8 i1 q" `" @4 kb. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
: j1 y# C+ u  s1 s3 O# M- H5 Z8 Yd. 猫扑里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。
0 E( {# k8 K' c1 Y
. Q0 b# e" R' P2 C4 h' c35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
t need it.
; i% i' ?  |( Y: Y9 C2 y0 v银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。

b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

$ ^  _4 I2 @, W37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫

38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
0 N' x. F0 B" L4 V+ S, y9 J% B* K! ^a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
* a& x. e! _' ^" s1 T& ^: g; ]) Tc. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。

- I, r4 E# {! _8 f39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
/ Z' F9 w' f2 M: Z. s9 S8 @, I/ h临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
# {$ ?4 A: K' t2 t。

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9 v8 u' Z% ~4 r! ]小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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- V; E0 Z, X. J7 X43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
, X/ T3 L  I. g2 xrls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！

& I" t* [9 C6 H- _. l$ K44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
9 F& I) ]% U" e6 e7 A5 bch.
, L& W( @) b2 h+ G8 l5 g8 f剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。

! n" d' G, _; `: u) a45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  t! Z/ O3 a, x有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.

3 u" f: K; U' t5 _- N46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
# l1 ^% m4 S  Z+ ?" _/ A我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
叫声是一样滴。

! P# B/ |- k+ _47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什
- b* B/ U  @- I2 Y$ M么忙？！
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
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winter3d

真是很厉害的翻译！
; ^- T9 i  r9 ^% ~5 G6 @
第4个，意译b，个人感觉差了很多

第49个，没看懂

naptid

有几处，俺给改了改

  L$ t3 p" v2 N' Q- k2 Q: N. ?2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
# e4 |3 Z0 r5 H7 gnd yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
$ Y) Y& C+ K; c' _样死法啊！
我希望像爷爷那样，死时能在睡梦中安详离去，千万别像他开的车上那些乘客，发出杀猪般的惨叫……(原译句可能生歧义)

5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...
( ?" c# S  m- }1 X1 v1 e6 n6 s相爱时难合亦难，眼神无力菊花残。

6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
/ N6 g4 R3 S8 va. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
% v; W& {( t3 J: A5 a5 X, e- Y  s! I先来的小鸟有虫掏，后到的老鼠得奶酪（更押韵）

% s% I2 |. m! V0 v% Z* x8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
2 R+ N/ v" o6 d, j+ xXXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
1 D( T0 H0 R5 g9 n: {9 kXXOO就象打桥牌。如果搭档不帮忙，只好靠自己的手帮忙了。
* e' V& `  C1 e$ n
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
0 F) c$ s9 B& ~; U5 ]- |6 Un't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
+ ?, i- J0 \( A( x# {% v还是很有喜感。
某些人就像“机灵鬼”玩具，啥优点没有，但看到他们在楼梯上滚下来还是蛮开心的。
% N6 @. a7 C% X8 z2 o
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
ged regularly, and for the same reason.
: S' r' F4 ^8 B2 C/ a政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏
8 p$ A  ]9 g' |( P; z& y4 D6 K了！！
政客和纸尿布有个共同点：都应该经常替换，连替换的理由也一样
' f8 G5 [$ H" U& g( o" Z
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
4 s6 d, d2 G! t; |: N% _n, make him a sandwich.
. y5 K6 f6 I0 G9 [男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。 如果他硬不起来，就给他做个三明治吧。
  a# ?0 d% \/ ]5 H; G
+ r3 b& a( F* B16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
& O7 g% J2 S& f* R/ M3 L" D* C每次我妈骂我“狗娘养的”，都没发现内中蕴含的笑点。
+ ~) T9 H- `. f( H/ n
, U% e( }' v$ [9 f2 j- j' j17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
曾以为自己想要一份事业，其实真正在乎的只是那份薪水。

19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
XXOO不是回答，而是提问。“喔喔”才是回答。

) B1 E6 r0 V7 ?2 a2 S; i! D0 Y: k39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
  V; ~  ~1 D/ u9 K9 }% `9 i( pa. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
( v; g' c9 ?2 a/ S  F  w若得一世不见光，婊子也能立牌坊
9 V% r, b9 T4 ^" @

另外，有几处B用法不合适，应改成其他词

winne007

回复 naptid 的帖子

第五句你改的那句第二句诗我觉得可以改成,眼神不济菊花残.

xma

我记得好像是FML里的东西啊，有点老了...

Eric.Sun

你这个会误导大家哦，呵呵。 你终于换头像啦，不简单啊，不过怎么又有德国的足球场啊。 我这两天在备考，刚刚在网上写了骗作文要发表给老师评论，哪晓得一点提交直接出现一个null。 然后就什么也没有了，我已经碰到不只一回这样的事情了，还真他妈点背。
. x8 ^  q4 t, s, P7 z1 d" C0 U不行，我得去喝点凉白开，看看会不会塞牙。

yanlan

我上次看到这个的时候，。。。。。。

janny8158

uyuyu

lax0601

好搞笑

妖怪书

我记得我回过这贴的呀……奇了怪了

4 p% v8 c& _" p: _: G我觉得N版改得经典